Wouldn't it be amazing....
If every morning you woke up and on your spotless dining room table, in your perfectly clean kitchen, overlooking a beautifully manicured, dog-poo-free yard was a beautifully bound notebook sitting next to a steaming cup of freshly brewed coffee and a super healthy breakfast? Wouldn't it be divine if you could sit for an hour or so and enjoy the quiet solitude of a peaceful morning while sipping your coffee and looking through the book? What, you may ask, would be in this book? Well, in my dream, it would be a detailed list of all the "hiccups" I would encounter in my day, along with intricate instructions on how to deal with them well, how to maintain my "fruit" while navigating my day
....wouldn't it be amazing....
Welcome to real life!
I wake up to an incessant three year old demanding juice - and if he doesn't get juice. NOW. one of you will not make it through the next 5 minutes. So I stumble downstairs and fumble for a sippy cup to fill with the brew-du-jour for my lovely little man and set him on couch. I rummage around for the french press (which I LOVE) and start the process of making this life giving brew. Around then the other kiddos come down stairs....all sleepy and snuggly and cute and...mine! Love, peace, happiness abounds, until: someone talks...agghhh...let IT begin! It's someone is sitting on my pillow, someone is looking at the baby and "I" was looking first, someone looked at me, someone touched me, someone stinks...seriously...aggghhhh. Somedays, most days, I stand dumbfounded, befuddled, speechless. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I find myself overwhelmed, grumpy, irritable, angry....hmmm...finding my fruit rapidly falling to the floor. Oh, how I long for that book - the one that tells me how to be a kind, fair, gentle mom (referree?)
I realize the above paragraph sounds negative, complaining - yuck! I really do love being a mom, I adore my kids, I cherish these days together. My kids really don't fight ALL the time (though it feels like it sometimes). And quite often, my wonderful hubby does have coffee waiting for me in the morning. But, honestly - it's hard. Being in the trenches 24/7 can kinda get to you after a while. Honestly. Really.
I fight the urge to feel beaten down. I look at myself and I see what I am, then I see who I want to be, who I feel called to be. I know it's attainable, not of myself, not on my own -
I know there would not be a desire unless there was One who enables the dream.
The cry of my heart lately has been the request of Solomon, "Lord, give me wisdom to lead these people you have given me." I love that He does just that. That He loves these little people way more than I ever could. I love that He wants the best for them, for me, for us. I don't understand His ways, often don't understand His words, but I do know that abiding in Him makes me fruit-y and makes the fruit stick. So I wait, I try to listen to His voice telling me how He would parent these 5 beautiful lives full of hope and dreams and destiny...
I have hope...in Him...I have Joy, I have Freedom....I have hope.