Monday, November 30, 2009

Trade You Shirts

I don't know that I've ever posted something by someone else on here - but this following story really touched me. I was cruising through a list of facebook friends that I don't usually get updates on. I found myself on the page of a friend, David, from Junior High. He is now a pastor of a church near Charleston, I believe. Anyway, with his permission, here is his story...enjoy!

In bed, and attempting to hinder my leaving him for the night, Isaac began unsnapping the buttons on my western-styled shirt. This is a funny game to him still for some reason...

It began long ago when he was only turning two and not three he would find his way to my belly button and coyly jab his right index finger as deep in as it would go. I would surprise at the electric-like jolt that radiated from said area and then dutifully proclaim in chastising and joking tones "get out of my bellybutton!" To which Isaac's response would be seizures of glee as he laughed hysterically at this game of trumped up pain, and pretense of intrusion. He would then double his efforts to reach that same spot in order to get a similar faux-reaction of surprise and harassment. Ahh... the crazy little games we play that lead our children into the therapist's office later on in life... but I digress.

Tonight he didn't look for my bellybutton as he pulled at my shirt. Standing there in his room, I sang him "twinkle twinkle little star," and he matched me with word and pitch and my heart soared.

Pulling the last button/snap open, he wraps his arms around me inside of my newly opened shirt, and lays his head on my chest and sighs. "I love you daddy"
"I love you too buddy," My heart brakes. "Isaac, I made a mistake" I started "When you didn't listen earlier about taking the leash off the dog and she ran away, I spanked you and I shouldn't have. I was angry, and what I did was wrong. I'm sorry I hurt you buddy" my voice is high and tears are flowing at this point. "I should have waited, and maybe just put you in time out, will you forgive me?"

He looks up into my face to try and understand what is going on, what he should be feeling in the presence of his father's tears and he begins to weep too. "I love you so much daddy. I'm sorry I took her collar off., I'm sorry I took her collar off, I'm sorry..." I stop him.

"Buddy, you didn't know, the only thing you did wrong was not listen... I forgive you for taking off the collar."

So gently with head still buried in my chest he says, "I forgive you too."

"Does your bottom still hurt?" I ask.

"No, it doesn't hurt anymore"

"Does your heart feel okay?"

"Yes it does," and with bright eyes "We're not sad anymore, daddy! That's so good!" to which we both must smile.

" Daddy," he asks "Can I have that shirt tonight?

I take it off and hand it to him. It smells of me, my work outside, my deodorant, and cologne. I ask as I leave, Do you like to smell daddy when you're in bed?.

A broad smile creeps onto his face. "I do, and, my friends, and Zoe, and caffeine (long story but true words), and food and mommy" You see all of those were the smells on my shirt.

It was then I realized it was more than a comfort trinket for the night. It was the story of his day our day, and our relationship. It was of mowing the grass, playing with the dog, running errands for Life Group, brownies, coffee, kissing on mom, wrestling with his Lifegroup friends, all the food we ate; and buried under everything are deodorant, and the perfume of reconciled emotions to mistakes I made out of frustration and haste.

My shirt tonight, as it is stuffed underneath little boy chin, and little boy arm, represents what it means to truly desire a person. To really take me in for all I am, every heinous act, horrid smell, outside musk, and look deeply into my eyes and say "can I have your shirt tonight?

Of course you can my son...Can I borrow one of yours to snuggle up next to as well? I prefer the one that started out soft in the morning and by mid afternoon felt plastic, and by night you were wearing sandpaper, because of all the food and grit stuck between fibers. That 's the one I want. I want your whole day Ike, right next to me while I sleep.

Yes, I'm a father, I'm weird, but I am so desperately in love with the people God has given me to love, that anything more might cause me to burst.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Quick Update...


It's been a crazy couple of months - but that's nothing new!!! I've been going nonstop (or so it feels) with Doctor Appointments for the kiddos and me, a road trip to NY with a dear friend, organizing all of our adoption paperwork, and just regular old "life stuff." It's been a season of change, joy, sorrow, hope and anticipation for the future!

I am finally starting to feel better - no more puking all day every day. With the other four pregnancies, I didn't start feeling semi-normal until about 25 weeks - with this one, it was at about 16 weeks that I was having more good days than bad. For that, I am EXTREMELY thankful. God is good, and merciful and faithful! We had an ultrasound a couple weeks ago. Everything looks good and we found out we are having another BOY! All four kids came with us and watched the little guy on the screen - so fun, and I hope, so memorable for them.

The adoption process is going very well. Our home study is complete, approved, and in the hands of the adoption agency! We hope to have our Dossier complete and sent out by the 1st week in December, pending some notarization of documents (quite an ordeal, let me tell you)! I have been cautiously diving into the world of adoption grants, loans, and fund raisers. The kids have decided they would like to help raise some money and are making bracelets to sell. Macey is quite the little sales person and already has two or three sold - before they are even made! I will be posting some pictures of the finished products soon if anyone out there in blogland would like to contribute.

We do have some specific prayer requests if you are a praying person: Finances are probably the top request right now - we need to raise about $6000 dollars in the next few months. Typing that, it sounds daunting, but I know my God is big and that is totally a doable amount for Him! The second request is for a vehicle. We've decided that we are going to be "that family." The one with the 12 passenger van...! I am actually kind of excited...more room, more seats - more kids! We are looking, praying for a good deal. When we first started thinking about adoption I really felt a vehicle is something that God would provide for us, w/out a lot of stress involved. I'm holding onto that, and trying not to panic as the time draws closer.

I'll leave you with a couple pictures of the last few months. Enjoy:

Micah jammin' with his friend Brighten:The whole crew at Historic Bratonsville:
21 Week Belly Shot:

The kiddos at the airshow:
My loves inside a war plane:
"The Girls"