Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Not Quite So Wordless Wednesday

I sat down with the intentions of doing a "wordless wednesday" post, thinking that I could muster the energy to post a couple pics, and that even if I did have the heart to write today, there was a slim-to-none chance that my words would make sense. Then a miracle happened...Kids 1 and 4 are playing nicely in their room (at least I think so - I don't hear any screaming), Kid 4 is sleeping (a rare, but much appreciated, afternoon occurence) Kid 2 is blissfully playing outside with a school friend and Kiddo 5 is snoozing unaware in the swing (O blessed, blessed swing). I even have some potatoes boiling on the stove...thinking some clam chowder might be good. Anyway - so here I am, with no one clamoring for my attention!!!!

It's been a crazy 7 weeks...can't believe it's been that long since God sent Malachi to us...I am SOOO in love with him. He is such a wise soul already - or so it seems. He has these amazing eyes that stare and see and love - wow!

The other kiddos have had different levels of issues when it comes to adjusting, but overall we are doing well. I am amazed and how much more I feel for each of them every day. God is graciously and, yes, gently teaching me to let Him parent through me. I tend to screw up..a lot...every day.

A friend and I were talking about how maybe we could be great parents to one kid, maybe even two. And here we are with me having 5, soon to be 6, and she is raising her 6. What in the world was God thinking? I mean, really, why would He give innocent little people to messed up big ones...really, why?!?!? I've been asking that a lot lately.

It's easy to call our "worthiness" into question, easy to dwell on the mess ups. But here enters grace, grace, grace,, I love that that concept - would be lost w/out that promise. "He gently leads those with little lambs." How I desperately cling to that on a daily basis!

I feel like a broken blog record...feel like I have posted on this a lot. But, hey, this is my life...this is my "song" right now - one of failure and redemption and fear and hope and lots of amazing little people looking at me and their Daddy to show them the way to our Daddy! What an amazing adventure. What a humbling mandate..."make disciples, raise them to be men and women after My heart! Teach them, show them, lead them, love them...!"

I'm hoping to post more frequently...don't give up on me. We are entering another crazy season of finalizing our adoption - grants, fund raising (look for some opportunities to help us bring "Kate" home...coming soon), praying, travel...etc. I am scared, excited,'s a weird feeling to miss someone I have never met... but our family feels incomplete w/out her - so excited to see her, meet her, know her!!!