I am continually amazed at the ways God speaks to me. It would fancy me if there was an angelic visitation, a prophetic word (maybe)!, a vision, a translation or something "spiritual" like that. But, I realized the other day that that may not be the case... I think God speaks to me where I am at, and will capitalize on a free, quiet moment.
The other day I was pretty overwhelmed - a common state of being lately. There is constant motion and noise and activity all around me from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. I've found that the best place for me to relax and get away from all that is sometimes that bath tub. Our water bill was WAY up last month! Anyway, the other night the house was cluttered, the kids were grubby, dinner was just over and I was hiding - very honestly - hiding! But, I had cleaned the bathroom just before. Mind you, it was a surface clean - no scrubbing, no cleaner - just making sure there were no underwear on the ground, no T.P. still clinging to the toilet, I even wiped the lid - but it was clean. It helps to try to relax in a somewhat un-cluttered environment.
Anyway, I had just gotten in to a very hot bath (don't tell my mid-wife) and was unwinding. Then I opened my eyes. It just so happened that from where I was sitting, I could see the underside of the toilet rim. Yuck - double yuck. There went my serene, relaxing, un-cluttered bath. Arghhhhh....
Anyway, I had a mild breakdown - crying in the tub - pretty pathetic. But, as God is so faithful - he began to speak to me through my toilet. He has a sense of humor. I started thinking about my life. It is so easy to put on a front; to act like everything is okay. To present your "house" as clean and in order. And it might actually be. But how often are the really gross, really dirty areas left neglected. Too often I will realize a messy spot in my home, or my life, and acknowledge it but feel to overwhelmed to deal with it. But, obviously, the longer I ignore it, the more deeply seeded the stain becomes and the harder it is to scrub it clean.
My goal, my desire, is to arrive at the point where I no longer to crisis management, but am able to maintain order. I realize this may not happen in my home for a while, but do know that it is totally possible spiritually. After all - God calls us to be holy as He is holy - I know it is possible!
I dare to hope....
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6 comments:
Bless you... I love you so much Danielle. Psalm 6:9
I love you D. I love how you share your heart and your wonderful insights.
This is the first time I have read your Blog Danielle and it is hilarious that it concerns the very topic that scratchs at my insides whenever I am around you and your family. One of my favorite things about being at the cabin with the Thompsons is that for a significant period of time, you saw everything there was to see about my life (close enough). There was no lack of interaction that led to a sort of false image, or a front as you called it in your post. All this to say, I love you, I pray the strength for you and Jason and Co., and you are not alone. And also that I'm really glad I know you beyond any front(hopefully the same from this side). PS I am a pro babysitter...never forget that. I'm in the platinum diaper change club and I'm still a rookie! Loves
This is matthew coleman by the way...I bet you guessed that though
Phenomenal! Right where I'm at - completely overwhelmed! I've been skimming the surface for so long I think I've forgotten how to hold my breath...thanks for the comaraderie - and for being so open and vulnerable.
grace on us all...
You darling woman, thanks for your comment. It was fun to look at your blog. My eyes water with compassion. Just know these days really do go very fast...just do the important stuff, hold your babies and play. And when you see the toilet needs to be scrubbed, just do it, and move on. Say no to guilt. You are one of the best mommies I know, your children are jewels in your crown, and that is the eternal stuff.
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